Unforgettable Negotiation Advice: Discover His Thumbscrew

Whether it’s a lending partner, your listing coordinator, a competing agent or a prospect across the couch from you, people will occasionally resist you.

And constantly butting up against these people will cost you a lot of energy.

One important thing to realize though is everyone has a weakness, a gap in the armor, a soft spot. Usually it’s an insecurity, an uncontrollable need or a closet passion. Once found, however, it is a thumbscrew you can turn to guide them down the right path.

Here’s what to look for:

Pay Attention to Gestures and Unconscious Signals

Everyday conversation supplies the richest mine of weakness, passion or emotion, so train yourself to listen. Start by being interested.

Also, open up to the other person. Share a secret that won’t damage you if you share it.

Finally, train your eye for details–how someone responds to their spouse, what delights a person, the hidden messages in clothes.

Once you find this soft spot, push on it.

Look for Contrasts

An overt trait often conceals its opposite. People who thump their chests, cowards; prudent minds, lavish souls; the uptight, screaming for adventure; the shy, dying for attention.

Probe beyond appearances and you will find a person’s soft spots.

Fill the Void

Insecurity and unhappiness are the two main emotional voids.

Validate the socially insecure: “This neighborhood may seem out of your league, but you belong here.”

Look for the roots of the unhappy: “Tell me if I’m wrong, but you don’t look like you are enjoying the home-selling process. If this is true, can you tell me what’s bothering you?”

The Moral?

You can win against just about anybody–no matter their power, fame or money. Just find their soft spot.